Monthly Joke
2023
OCTOBER – DECEMBER
My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied,
“Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.”
MAY – JULY
This man is sitting quietly reading his paper one morning peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
“What was that for?” asks the man.
“What is that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou on it?”
“Oh, Honey, don’t you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
The wife seems satisfied and goes off to work, feeling a bit sheepish. Three days later the man is sitting in his chair reading and his wife repeats the frying-pan swatting.
“What’s that for this time?” he asks.
“Your horse rang!”
FEBRUARY – APRIL
Once you understand why
- the pizza is made round
- packed in a square box and
- eaten as a triangle…
Then you will understand women!
2022
NOVEMBER – DECEMBER
“Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.”
SEPTEMBER – OCTOBER
”I got all sentimental when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour…
Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.”
JULY – AUGUST
“If you think you are smarter than previous generations…
50 years ago the owner’s manual of a car showed you how to adjust the valves.
Today it warns you not to drink the contents of the battery!”
(Rolleston news)
MAY – JUNE
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.
– “How did you do that?” he asked.
– “We weren’t looking for the same thing, she explained. You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”
APRIL
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me,
“By the way, which companies are after you?”
I responded, “The gas, electric, and cable company.”
